Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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