I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
