You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
