WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
