What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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