my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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