drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
