walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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