We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
