She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
