WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Randomize
