ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize