I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
do nipples grow back?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
