it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
