Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
