i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
