its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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