I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We are two peas in an std pod
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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