Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
being pregnant is like rehab
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
