brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
