fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
