I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
