idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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