I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
