it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize