You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
