I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
