So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
