I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
