the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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