Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
