Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
