This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize