Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
