so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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