I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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