He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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