You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
