I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
