Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize