They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
