It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
