allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize