no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
