i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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