Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
