another moral hangover. fuck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
