yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
