rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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