Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
