I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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