i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
