what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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