He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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