but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
