i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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