I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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