oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
