Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
