There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
