Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
