Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
